The Nest

What Do Sexual Fantasies Actually Mean?

Sexual fantasies are completely normal and unavoidable. We can’t control our minds, even when they travel to places that make us uncomfortable. But sexual fantasies are nothing to feel ashamed about — if anything, they should be readily embraced, as long as they’d done with due consideration and consent.

When people talk about their sexual fantasies, we usually focus on the outer details, such as bondage, submission, physical acts, etc. However, sexual fantasies are rarely about just the physical sensations and more about satisfying a deeper psychological need. Depending on your underlying psychological needs at different points in your life, you may be driven towards different sexual fantasies.

This article takes a look at some of the most common sexual fantasies and their underlying meanings.

#1. Submission

Submission fantasies are those in which you submit yourself to the complete will and control of your sexual partner. In physical terms, submissive acts can include blindfolds, handkerchiefs, whips, handcuffs, or other such tools. However, submission has less to do with the specific tools and sexual acts than the submission itself.

It’s worth pointing out that having a submissive fantasy doesn’t mean you’re a submissive person. In fact, people often have fantasies about aspects of their personalities or lives that they suppress. As such, a submissive fantasy may also indicate that you generally have complete control over your life, which makes the idea of complete submission to someone else exciting.

In some cases, fantasies of sexual submission are also therapeutic. Survivors of sexual assault often fantasize about submission or a recreation of their assault. Doing so gives the individual a chance to relive the events with greater control, allowing them to access a painful memory from a place of pleasure rather than fear.

And that’s an essential takeaway — control. The submission is a pantomime, and even though you’re submitting to your sexual partner, it’s done with your desires front-and-center.

#2. Domination

Domination is the counterpoint to submission — it’s about making a partner submit to your wishes, whims, and desires. Like submission, a dominant play can include tools like whips, handcuffs, blindfolds, etc., but it’s all done to dominate another individual.

Sexual fantasies of domination also fulfill a deeper psychological need, specifically the need to control events in your life. Fantasies of domination are popular amongst women in relationships with traditional gender roles, i.e., if their sexual partner is the dominant individual in the relationship. In that case, the domination fantasy offers an opportunity to reverse the roles and reclaim the power.

#3. Group Sex

Group sex is one of the most common sexual fantasies out there. In fact, most people have fantasized about group sex at various points in their lives to varying degrees. Even if its not your motivating sexual fantasy, youre likely to have imagined it at some point. And the reason for this fantasys prevalence is also pretty clear — its linked to the desire to feel irresistible. And who doesnt want that?

Most people who imaging group sex scenarios imagine themselves being in the center of attention, with multiple people fawning over them. These fantasies make you feel sexually irresistible and desirable, a psychological need that most people have to various extents, hence the commonality of the fantasy.

Now, you may wonder, but I fantasize more about serving other people in a group than being the center of attention.” Well, the desire to please other individuals skillfully is also linked to sexual competence. It satisfies your psychological need to boost your sexual prowess and competence by pleasing numerous people. However, if you imagine yourself in a sexually submissive situation in the group sex, it goes back to the psychological desire to be controlled, as mentioned earlier.

Group sex fantasies are also common in relationships. Sexual partners often fantasize about inviting a third individual into the sexual experience or relationship. If the relationship is healthy and stable, the desire for a threesome rarely has to do with having sex with a stranger and more about wanting to see your partner being pleasured by someone else.

However, the true psychological needs for group sex can be numerous within relationships. It’s also possible that you and your partner are drawn to the idea of group sex for different reasons. As such, it’s important to have open and frank communication about your goals and desires.

#4. Passion & Romance

Passion and romance don’t always qualify as “sexual fantasies” because they seem so normal. But all forms of sexual desire are fantasies, including passion and romance. People with sexual fantasies of passion and romance often think about watching a sunset together, walking along a beach, drinking wine, and making love all night. In sexual fantasies about passion and romance, the sex itself is just a part of a larger picture. People with such fantasies often lack and long for passion and romance in their lives.

#5. Exhibitionism

Exhibitionism is a sexual fantasy in which you think about having sex or masturbating with the curtains open, in public places or other areas where strangers might see you. Within relationships, exhibitionism may also manifest in the form of wanting your partner to see you as you masturbate or have sex with someone else. These are all variations of exhibitionist sexual fantasies. The primary goal of exhibitionism is to put yourself in a vulnerable spot, performing a sexual act for an audience. The vulnerability draws sexual excitement.

#6. Voyeurism

Voyeurism is the act of secretly watching someone in sexual acts without their awareness. In voyeuristic fantasies, you want to watch your sexual partners masturbating or having sex with someone through blinds or via webcams. People with voyeuristic fantasies often enact those fantasies with their partners, which is completely okay, even healthy. Its an escape and satisfies your deeper psychological needs, thus minimizing your need to enact them in situations where they wouldnt be welcome.


Sexual fantasies come in various forms, and the aforementioned fantasies are only some of the most popular. All sexual fantasies satisfy some deeper psychological needs that you might not be aware of. Generally speaking, it’s okay to indulge in your sexual fantasies, as long as you do so with your partner’s willing consent, approval, and enthusiasm. Before engaging in any sexual fantasy, you must discuss your expectations and limitations to ensure everyone is comfortable and safe. And if you want to spice up your sex life, why not try a clitoral sucker like Namii?

Biird Namii

About Author
Ellie Cooper
Ellie is a freelance writer and pleasure enthusiast. She is very comfortable talking about vaginas, scaling mountains and eating spicy food, but not parallel parking. She lives with a very tubby cat named Charles who likes to get involved with the writing process by sleeping on her keyboard.
Further reading