Thought about masturbating with your partner? Here are five reasons to move past the pondering and start playing.
More often than not we forget that our bodies…like all complex machines…have a bunch of settings, and though we ourselves may have an inherent knowledge of which knobs, dials, and cranks to tug on, twist, stroke, and probe, it is likely we haven’t learned them all (or pushed them to their limits.) And it’s fair to say that our partners have just the roughest idea.
Masturbating next to each other can be incredibly empowering for you as a couple. You can learn things you didn’t realize you were missing out on! Below, we highlight five reasons why masturbating next to your partner can change your perception of sex.
#1. Coachable Moment
Most of us have a fairly good idea of how we like to cum. Most of the time we know what will get us off the fastest. When we have the extra time, likely we have a fairly good idea about how we like to extend the session. And more often than not, the reasons we have been going at it solo are for personal pleasure, to ease the stress of the day, to regain our focus, to help us sleep, to make the pain go away, and so on. But, too few of us allow our partners a glimpse into that private world.
When we masturbate with, beside, on top of, and in front of our partners, we are opening ourselves up and in the process, we are teaching them what we like and what both stimulates and excites us…and we are inviting them to show us how and what they like. By doing this together, we are teaching each other, giving ourselves a little road map and reference guide. We are challenging one another to take that knowledge and build upon it!
#2. Sharing is Caring
Masturbating is my thing. Sex is our thing. Learning to change that stereotype is difficult.
When we lean back and open ourselves up, sometimes quite literally, to our partners, we are sharing something about ourselves that is very deeply personal. We may be totally lost in the moment, touching our bodies in ways our partners have not seen us do or done themselves. We may be rough or contort in new ways to them. We may even fantasize about another, or make new or different noises. But this is the truth about how we like it when we do it to ourselves, what we do to make ourselves cum…and that can be an amazing and rewarding way of sharing yourself, and for your partner to share with you.
By showing our partners, and being shown by them, the ways in which we like to touch, where our hands go, how tight the grip is, one finger, two, three, how tight to pinch, how deep to plunge, what other objects and toys we like and how we use them; we are showing our partners paths to pleasure they may not have considered, or perhaps have fantasized about or done to themselves in private.
#3. Now You Do It
One of the sexiest things can be offering yourself up to pleasure and to be pleasured. That is after all a key component of a great sexual experience. But what happens when that experience becomes saying to your partner, “you saw how I like it, now you try.”
You have shown your partner the steps, laid yourself bare, so to speak. Now invite them to take some of the control as you stand back, lay down, or bend over. You are letting them take the wheel to “masturbate” you, using and expanding upon your own technique. Remember to communicate. Being open with them about how it feels, what you would do next, where they should grip, and what toy they should use. This can be a huge turn-on.
#4. Multiple Orgasms
Whether masturbating together, masturbating each other, or both, try to set aside time to extend this play..maybe even enjoy a day of it! Try focusing on each other separately at first, giving your partner your full attention and letting them repay the favor.
Maybe try starting off by putting on a little show for your partner. Perhaps some teacher-student role-play? Tease your partner by slowly taking off your clothes, maybe giving them to your partner, maybe using them to tie his or her hands so they are not tempted to touch you as you show them what you do when they are not there!
This can also be a fun time to pull out and show off your favorite toys. If you have a Namii for example, Biird’s new 2-in-1 clitoral stimulator made from ultra-soft silicone, you might try teasing your partner by letting them feel the sensations on their body… how the vibration and suction feel on their lips, nipples, thighs, and genitals.
#5. Bonding and Intimacy
Sex, especially sex as a couple, is largely about intimacy and connection. Using masturbation as a way of asking your partner to show you how they like to touch themselves is sexy and empowering, but it is also a way of communicating that you want to know how to please them better and more completely.
In relationships where one partner has been scared to talk about their sexual needs or admit to liking or wanting toys in the relationship, this can be a way to be open up about how you experience pleasure and ease your partner into understanding why toys are important for you and how you want to experience using toys together as a couple… to share and to explore and to play together.
“Those who play together, stay together.”
…Or so the saying goes. And although that may not always be the case, it is certainly a fun image to have when considering your and your partner's sex life and how you both view each other sexually. Masturbating together just might help you up the game!
